http://wlsappeals.com/2094/walters_bariatric_surgery_blog/20-years-bariatric-surgery-patient/
Lessons
Learned: Celebrating 20 Years As A Bariatric Surgery Patient
Posted
JUN 30 2014 by WALTER LINDSTROM in WALTER'S BLOG
I don’t remember the first day of OJ Simpson’s pre-trial hearing
for the murders of Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman. I know my wife
Kelley does – she watched the whole thing from a waiting room in a
hospital in San Diego. Me? I was having surgery. It was June 30,
1994.
Could
it really already be 20 years? I guess so. My 9-month old daughter –
my living, breathing “A-HA!” moment – is 20 years old and doing
a summer abroad in Spain. My 16 year old son – the gift I hadn’t
even conceived of yet – is about to get his driver’s license. 20
years goes by in an instant.
Even
as fast as the time has passed I dare say I’ve learned things over
those 20 years which might help someone else, whether a person
exploring the possibilities of surgery – a soon-to-be patient
anxiously awaiting their impending surgery silently praying this
really is the answer she or he hopes it will be – or people like me
in the midst of their wonderful post-operative journey. I even have
the audacity to hope these musings will offer something to health
care providers offering surgery as a treatment option.
So,
in celebration of a very important date in my life, my gift to myself
is in writing some reflections, one for every year. It is my sincere
hope one or more of these thoughts resonate with someone who might
read them and need them. Please share them liberally with anyone who
might benefit.
1.
Bariatric surgery isn’t for everyone. Sure there are medical
reasons which disqualify some people but I’m not talking about
that. If you’re exploring it for yourself and decide it isn’t
right for you – DON’T let anyone try to shame you, scare you, beg
you or otherwise try to convince you to have an operation you’re
not fully committed to living with for the rest of your life. Allow
yourself the gift to choose another path.
2.
“Support” is not a 4-letter word! If someone you care about is
having surgery and you’re not comfortable with their decision
you’re probably feeling a host of emotions ranging from fear and
apprehension to disappointment and anger. DEAL WITH IT! Whether it’s
pre-surgery or 20 years later this is really hard on us. It makes it
easier when we have people in our corner and not trying to sabotage
us.
3.
Say it loud! Say it proud! OK – I respect anyone’s decision
about privacy and what they wish to share or not share about their
lives, especially in this age of social media. But I really hope you
can honestly, even proudly, talk openly about your decision to have
weight loss surgery. I believe many of us keep it secret because we
fear it’s not going to work but I think committing to it out loud
strengthens our resolve to succeed more than does a mysterious
“gallbladder surgery” which wondrously resulted in a loss of 150
lbs. a year later. Besides, keeping it secret is a disservice to
others like us who are often desperate to know “how is she doing it
and why can’t I?!?….”
4.
Post-op patients should learn to use two words: “FOR ME….” For
20 years I am constantly saddened by the “patient on patient”
crime I read on “support” sites. “Only an idiot would have XYZ
procedure….” “I’d never go to that doctor….” “If you
don’t do ABC then you’re going to fail….” Be supportive of
others’ choices. Hostility does nothing to elevate your own choice.
Learn to voice things positively: “For me, doing XYZ was the best
choice….” Like I said, “support” is not a 4-letter word!
5.
Pre-op and Post-op patients should not underestimate the value of
being in a well-run support group, especially before surgery and for
a good amount of time afterwards. Questions need to be asked and
answered about what to expect, what to do and when do to it. Shared
experiences and feelings in the early stages of the process are
invaluable. Don’t blow them off indiscriminately as too “touchy
feely” (and yes fellow MEN – I’m talking to US!). That is a
mistake.
6.
Just because a surgical option is new that doesn’t necessarily mean
it’s better.
7.
Just because a surgical option is new that doesn’t necessarily mean
it’s worse.
There
is no Gold Standard! The next time someone, anyone, tells you the
“X procedure” is the “gold standard” you might want to
remind them we haven’t used the “gold standard” since 1933.
That term is really quite useless. Insist a health care provider
speak to you in terms of what is the best course of action FOR YOU.
Repeat
after me: DOCTORS and PATIENTS should make decisions regarding
medical treatment and surgery. THERE IS NO PLACE FOR INSURANCE
COMPANIES TO SUBSTITUTE THEIR JUDGEMENT FOR THAT OF YOUR DOCTOR AND
WHEN THEY TRY TO DO THAT YOU SHOULD FIGHT IT WITH EVERY FIBER OF
YOUR BEING!
10. Remember
the bathroom scale is non-judgmental. It
doesn’t think you’re a “good” patient/person or “bad”
patient/person. It gives a number.
11.
Plateaus
happen. When
you’re a patient early in your post-op journey please remember that
the number on the scale may not move in the direction you’re hoping
for every day. It may not move at all for weeks at a time.
Pretty much that’s normal so don’t stress about it.
12. Reach
a balance between using the scale to obtain information so you can
assess how you’re managing your chronic disease and stalking it in
the hope the number says what you hope/want/need it to say. We
patients all have a terrible fear, often unspoken, that we are
destined to fail surgery just like every diet we ever tried. We tend
to freak out when the number doesn’t go down or – God forbid –
it ticks upward.
13. YOU
have the power choose how that number on the scale is going to impact
how you feel about yourself.
I choose to have that number tell me how I’m doing managing my
chronic disease, no different than a hypertensive patient paying
attention to blood pressure readings or diabetics looking at HbA1c
numbers. Sometimes I manage my disease better than at other times.
But FOR ME, knowing the number a couple times a week works better.
When I tried managing my disease by consciously deciding I didn’t
want to know the number because I didn’t want to be a “slave to
my scale” I went by how my clothes fit. That was a mistake.
14. If
you’re really concerned about a plateau or weight regain, contact
your doctor’s office FIRST –
then you can make that social media post. Too many of us post as a
substitute for reaching out to our bariatric programs. Sorry but
sometimes the “advice” isn’t so good.
15. Don’t
make my mistake. If
you’re regaining weight after you’ve had surgery, PLEASE do not
avoid seeing your surgeon and his/her team because you’re
embarrassed or feel like you’ve failed them. I had a revision 9
years after my original surgery. I waited way too long to address it
and I see or speak with bariatric surgeons and integrated health
professionals around the world every single day! You haven’t failed
unless you make the choice to not see someone about what’s going
on. Given the chance most quality programs and professionals would be
begging you to make an appointment to see what’s going on so they
can help. Let them.
16. If
you’re a bariatric surgeon, nurse, integrated health professional
or office support, PLEASE be doing surgery because you care deeply
for patients like us and understand that we have a chronic
disease. If
we’re struggling after surgery the last thing we need is someone
who is supposed to be in our corner being judgmental. What we
patients are going through, whether year 1 or year 20, is freaking
hard. DO
NOT MAKE IT HARDER!
17. Repeat
after me: Needing a revision doesn’t mean you’re a failure!
Needing a revision doesn’t mean you’re a failure! Needing a
revision doesn’t mean you’re a failure!
18. The
nature of bariatric surgery support groups invariably changes the
further out from surgery you are. My
support group no longer meets at the hospital where I had my surgery.
My support comes from my family, friends and colleagues and has as
much value FOR ME at this stage of my journey as any bariatric
in-person or online support group I was part of as a member or which
honored me with an invitation to speak and share experiences.
19. Whether
you are pre-op or 20 years post, we all need help along the way. Take
a minute today to say “Thank You” to someone who is helping you
with yours. It feels good. After 20 years I have so many people who
helped me that to try and list them by name risks leaving someone
important out so I’m not going to take that risk. But I will tell
you we as patients owe thanks to a two organizations, their members
and their leadership. I joined the American
Society of Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery in
1996 and at the time it was closer to a “cult” than it was a
major specialty surgical society. ASMBS has grown to help guide and
shape important decisions that affect all of us as patients and it
has been and will continue to be an important part of my life where I
have met many of my closest friends. Equally true is the
place Obesity
Action Coalition has
in my life. Simply
stated, there is no other voice out there for us and I’m OK with
that because
the OAC and its amazing team has achieved things I never dreamed
possible when I was being wheeled into the operating room or when I
began my new professional life as “The Obesity Law & Advocacy
Center.” If you haven’t joined OAC – please do. We all
deserve it.
20. Twenty
years is a long time. God
willing there’s going to be a lot more. FOR
MEmy
journey has meant an improvement in health and longevity which allows
me to receive the love I get from my daughter Marissa and my son
Jared. They honor me every day by growing into truly amazing people
and I know in my heart that if I had not had surgery 20 years ago I
never would have been around long enough to see that. But most
important to me is the need to say thank you to my Hero and love of
my life, Kelley. She
is my hero because she loved me regardless of how I looked on the
outsidewhen
my BMI was over 60. She loved me through the scary reality of weight
loss surgery, not once but twice, wanting only for me to be
healthy. FOR
ME Kelley
makes possible anything of meaning I experience every day of my
journey. She is my reason to travel this path and I’m blessed
by her and because of her. I’m a very lucky man.
I
can only hope some of you can someday be similarly blessed during the
journey you’re taking. Good luck!
